late night pondering

 i am so mean

i think that nobody’s there for me

so, i treat people like shit in return

i want the world to lean towards me a little bit

but i keep pushing everyone away

i think i don’t deserve kindness

unless i stop taking people for granted

unless i stop hurting them

with my unjustly attitude 

with my harsh stare

with my shady read

i may not purposefully do any of that

it might be just projections of fears and insecurities 

that i couldn’t fathom anymore 

is there a way out?

i don’t know

the damage has spread so quickly 

i think it’s become permanent