presence

why do i feel such high melancholic rush these days...? like every thing feel so blue and empty for no reason. just staring blankly on my computer screen. watching my numb expression on the black mirror. nothing in my mind. but i can see the sadness in my eyes. my shoulder  feel so tired as if some big big thing laying on it. as i stretch my arms wide open all i can think of is, would it be nice if i have someone to talk to rn? not virtually or digitally. i want someone’s presence in my surrounding. holding my hand tightly. carrying my head on their shoulder. cheering me up with some stupid jokes. or just be there.

but no! i choose to be alone. frankly i prefer it to be like that and to stay that way. i don’t need somebody’s presence to feel the void in my heart. i’m fine with it. time has proof that it works well for me.

however, why this kind of feeling keep coming up to me. like an uninvited guest to my pity party. and it just becomes more and more frequent lately. until the party gets too crowded. i don’t know how long it will last. but i guess the basic human needs in me that is what behind it.